My Dream Last Night May 6, 2009

Why do we say ‘my dream last night’ when we have just woken up from it? It wasn’t last night it was two seconds ago. And I have day dreams all the time so I think I we should start a new trend that says no to ‘my dream last night’ and says yes to ‘my dream I just had once second ago and not really last night because it just happened’.

ANYHOW.

I just woke up from a dream and it was a bit of a weird one and I though: hey write it down. So that is what I am doing.

I was going back to highschool – and no I don’t have these dreams often. And I met two asian guys that I used to know (I specify asian because I don’t know if that is normal to distinguish races in dreams) and we started hanging out and swapping stories and then I realized I had left my freind kate wandering around the school looking for me and there was all this new stuff there, there was a sideways eleveator that went across this huge half underground half not parking lot. And this parking lot was the size of two football fields. And so we went off looking for her and as soon as I found her (in zara which happened to be in the school) they were like ohh you guys have to come into this chinese antique store here (also still in the school) and went running in. So I brought kate and we went after them to introduce her. When we got inside there was this old chinese man trying to sell them stuff and they kept asking us if we liked it on and on. And just as we were getting tired of looking at old chinese jewelry the old man pulled out this table with different perfumes and smelly sticks and potpouri and stuff. The three guys (yes there are three of them now) sat down and each picked a smell and I went round and asked to smell this smell one was jasmine and one was oregano (i know wierd and not a good choice for him)(he would just smell like pizza wherever he went right?) and the last one was water lily. All odd choices for three guys but whatever.

When I got to the last one he almost started crying and stuttered out thank you. Thank you for forgiving me. And I was completely at a loss. I had no idea what he was talking about. “Forgiving you for what?” For telling you that your photography was awful in class. And then he went on to actually cry and I gave him an akward side shoulder hug.

And that is when my “here comes the bride” alarm went off. I really need to change that. I did it as a joke – you know so that people would think I was this weirdo who had been married a year ago but thought it was absolutely the best time of her life and was still hanging on… I have come to conclusion that: a joke isn’t funny anymore when it start to annoy the person who thought of it.

So lessons learned:

1. Oregano is a bad smell for anyone unless you are a pizza.
2. Do not leave your alarm on “here comes the bride” if you want to stay sane.
3. You might be able to blame weird dreams on an alarm like ” here comes the bride”.

Five Am Fit December 24, 2008

When you get up at five every day – sleeping in is an impossiblity.

Why is it that when you wake up early it seems to be the light that wakes you?  Its not actually really light outside at five am, but something about the light is different and its the first thing you notice.

And then it seems to get darker… like everything is conspiring to make you feel more and more like you should be sleeping.

You start yawning. Your eyes are sore. (well of course they are you are waking up too bloody early). And your body feels liquid tired.

But as soon as you try to sleep again. You are wide awake.

And I dont know about you, but I can’t fall asleep by thinking of boring things. I just get bored. Which sucks. Because now I am bored AND awake early.

I think the only solution is to blog about it. So good morning.

A Funeral. December 17, 2008

So my Grandpa died two days ago. And the Funeral is on Friday.

I have been feeling guilty because

a. I don’t feel very sad that my Grandpa is gone.

b. I don’t want to take work off on Friday to go the funeral and

c. I don’t have nice black pants anymore – so it will either be black sweatpants or black bathing suit bottoms. Or possibly something other than black… like grey. I do have a few nice dressy grey trouser pants. Is it acceptable to wear grey trouser pants to a funeral?

Grey seems a lot more sad to me anyhow. And I need to muster all the sad that I can. Black pants say – I am slimmer than you thought. Grey pants say – I have sacrificed my slimness for this funeral. So I think I will definitely go with the grey.

There is an internment (is that the right word?) of the body on Friday at 10 and then the ceremony at 130. So I will have to take the day off… I didn’t want to go to the first one but apparently it is very important to my dad. So I will of course do it.

Though there is a body viewing tonight and i draw the line there. I do not want to see my dead grandpa all make-up’d up.

Anyhow. As much as I am and will be complaining about the inconvenience of the timing, I am glad that I get a chance to go to the funeral. Because I think it will be some much needed closure.

So to sum up: (because I love lists)

a. I am going to a funeral on Friday

b. It is my Grandpa’s

c. I do not feel very sad – except for how it is affecting people I love like my Dad.

d. I will not go and view the body which I think is a creepy tradition. Right up there with taking pictures of the dead body. Very odd.

The Glory Of Never Wearing Shoes On Adventures May 28, 2008

I made an important discovery yesterday. Our building has a roof that is somewhat accessible (and by accessible i mean you you have to go up when the door that is locked from outside is left open). The view is unbelievable.

Why not commonly left open you ask? I know why It is not commonly left open — it is because there is no glass on the railings so you could fall right through and down to an untimely death. Untimely because I would still be up on the roof marveling at the beautiful view.

We discovered it because Andrew and Linzee were over and we decided to explore and see if it was possible to get up there. and the door was wide open.

I want to go up there right now, but I am afraid that without Andrew and Linzee we wont be able to get up there again. Is it worth the risk?

Only if there is someone to fall untimely from the roof while i am caught in the splendor of the view.

And only if there is sage cheese to come back to. really.

Watching May 25, 2008

I’ve always been torn between whether I like watches or not. On the one hand they are a constant reminder of time running out and seem to speak of humanity’s need to have everything in life planned out. On the other hand (or should I say wrist?)(terrible joke.) they are a unique fashion accessory and speak volumes about the person wearing the watch.

To older generations, watches were an indispensable piece of technology and decorative watches were a sign of wealth. Now with cell phones and ipods it seems we don’t need watches anymore.

Is it about what they stand for? Is it about what they say about us?

I confess I’ve always loved it when someone in a movie threw a watch out the window or into a sink full of water. It was the ultimate rejection of worldly standards. It said fuck you to the corporate world, the working world and welcomed being late in all of its natural glory.

Though if you think about it – being late isn’t any fun. Whether you are late to school, work or with your period its not actually enjoyable at all. (Though it might be argued that a watch would not help with late periods – which is a valid point.)

So now that we have realized that living life in this century requires some amount of time watching does that make watches cool?
Indie kids with their over sized plastic watches seem to think so. Rappers with their diamond crusted watches seem to think so. Business men with unobtrusive black watches seem to think so. My mom with her walmartish nurseish watch seems to think so.
I think I might be beginning to come round. I’m still not sure though. I feel like getting a watch would be a big step in the “growing up” direction. It all started with pushing my own cart at the grocery store, now i have credit and debit cards with my name on them (and no not the type you get in the mail that read : your name here). (Though i do have a few of them too). I now have bills that come in the mail every month (something I used to long for as a kid) and while none of this is very new – every new addition shocks me all over again.

I think I may put off getting a watch for a while. Firstly because I don’t actually need one. And secondly because I haven’t yet decided my “watch style”. When I do, maybe I will go out and buy a watch. Until then I will continue to question what watches mean, and what they say about their wearers.

A Fat Lip May 19, 2008

So I officially have a fat lip. It is because i pierced it. I got a monroe. It looks pretty swell. it has swollen up a bit though. (The piercing has nothing to do with these short fragmented sentances – for the record).

So since it is pretty controversial and everyone seems to think they deserve an oppinion I have decided to create a handy Pro/Con list to solve the debate once and for all.

Pros	Cons
-I look pretty cool.	-It may leak steamy air when I am outside in the cold. Or trail tiny bubbles underwater.
-I may have a scar.	-I may have a scar.
-I now have more street cred.	- As Jay pointed out it might look like I got shot in the face by a BB gun and it just stuck.
-I can upset my family	-I keep thinking there is something on my face (bug, food etc) and keep trying to wipe it off – which hurts.
-My Grandparents will hate it.
-I can kill people with it (Okay I haven’t quite figured this one out yet but I’m sure I will soon. Ive only had it a day…)
-I can go by the super-hero name Iron Mole*.
-I have a higher pain tolerance now. (Hopefully)
-I chose an unusual piercing.
-I can scare people with it.
-And lastly but most importantly, I will be able to eat a hamburger without getting food stuck in a lip ring (which was the other option)

* Iron Mole: kills people with her moles which she picks off -  they then turn to iron which she throws at people. She is one of the lesser known super-heros admittedly. But handy in a pinch.

Well I think the amount of blank Cons boxes speaks for itself. But if I must I will declare PROS THE WINNER!!!!!

Okay now we will stop debating this infront of my face, and my new iron mole.

Spotlight On April 29, 2008

What to dress: Sue Wong Bubble Dress

What to Shirt: Alexander Wang NY Tank

What to Never Be Caught Dead In: See picture to the left; furry inner tube headbands and massive caftan curtain dresses.

What to NOT Make Up: The Blue Eyshadow – Do we really have to bring this one back?

What to Shades: Chanel Sunglasses

What to Sandal: Strappy Brown Leather Sandals

What to Sweater: Grey 3/4 Shrug

What to Jacket: White Linen Crop Jacket

What to Bracelet: Oversize Gold Scroll Link Bracelet

What to Skirt: Polkadot Bow Skirt

What to Outfit: Buisness Casual Outfit

What to Denim: Slouchy Boy Jeans

What to Dress: Cut-out Jumper Dress

What to Belt: Braided Leather Belt

8 Ways To Lose Belly Fat April 27, 2008

**Okay I know its alwful when people call it belly fat – I prefer stomach flub – but I didn’t write this article I am just posting it because I am nice and helpful. (And good looking and friendly and witty and smart).

Read it.

Stubborn abdominal fat is like an unwanted guest you just can’t get rid of, and kicking it to the curb can be the mother of all exercise and health challenges. But some methods are more promising than others. Here are 8 tactics to rid yourself of stomach fat.

1. Exercise and eat right
No kidding, right? Yet so many of us sabotage this no-brainer of a gut-busting plan. Study after study proves that eating a well-balanced diet heavy in fruits, veggies and whole grains and low in fat and refined sugars, plus exercising regularly, will help you shed not only subcutaneous fat (the surface fat that makes love handles), but also the deeper visceral fat, which builds up around abdominal organs and can raise your chance of suffering high cholesterol, heart disease, or type 2 diabetes. And regular exercise not only helps you slim down your whole body, it actually shrinks the size of fat cells in your stomach.

2. Get down to your healthy weight
Losing that gut isn’t easy, but you can improve your contours (and lower your risk of heart disease and cancer) by lowering your overall body mass index. (Learn your BMI at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s website.) A healthy adult BMI is roughly 19 to 25. You can do as many crunches as you want, but if you’re overweight, your abs will be hidden under a padding of fat. (By the same token, you can be naturally slim but still carry a paunch if you don’t exercise or eat right. Bottom line: think of Tactic #1 as the Golden Gut-busting Rule.)

3. Don’t be a stress case
Scientists are studying the link between stress and belly fat. Heightened cortisol levels in blood, resulting from stress, seem to react with the body’s insulin to create visceral abdominal fat — and, in a double whammy, to also drive us toward fatty, sugary foods. Reducing stress may make it easier to say no to barbecue chips or chocolate truffles that go straight to the waistline. Try yoga as a way of cutting stress. Bonus: it’ll tone you, too. And if your daily commute is a cause of stress, wear an iPod or read a funny book to help you chill out on public transportation; if you drive, consider ways to reduce your commuting time.

4. Stop boozing, quit smoking
Think cigarettes keep you thin? Think again. Both smoking and alcohol raise the levels of the stress hormone cortisol in your body. See Tactic #3 for a refresher on what that means for your gut.

5. Hire a personal trainer
Embarking on a fitness regime is more likely to be successful if you invest in some one-on-one workouts with a personal trainer. She can devise a regimen that will give you the right amount of cardio plus strength training to help you tone up, and target trouble spots most effectively. And the faster you see results, the more likely you are to stay motivated — and active.

6. Skip the Thai, meet for sushi instead
A recent Japanese study found that fucoxanthin, a compound in brown seaweed, shrank abdominal fat in lab animals, and encouraged a five to 10 per cent weight loss. Human studies are next, but the scientists are excited. And you should be too, if you love Japanese food. Order that miso soup or seaweed salad. Not only do these low-fat appetizers contain seaweed, they’ll fill you up so you won’t pig out on that caloriepaloooza known as tempura.

7. Avoid trans fats like the plague
Yes, we already mentioned a low-fat diet in Tactic #1, but trans-fatty acids, found in many convenience foods, deserve their own mention. Trans fats are linked to cardiovascular disease, and, as if that weren’t enough, they literally go straight to your belly. A recent study found that not only do trans fats create excess visceral fat in the abdomen, they actually cause fat from other parts of the body to redistribute there.

8. Don’t believe late-night infomercials
A study by the American Council on Exercise (ACE) found that expensive ab-targeting home-exercise equipment is no better than (and in some cases, is worse than) good, old-fashioned exercises. Skip the gimmicks and work these three ab moves into your workout: the bicycle manouver, reverse crunches and pull-ups done in a captain’s chair (an old school Rocky Balboa-style gym staple you’ll probably never find a lineup for at your club). Go to the ACE’s website for how-tos on these simple moves.

(http://www.acefitness.org/getfit/studies/BestWorstAbExercises.pdf )

(This article taken from : http://www.canadianliving.com/health/fitness/8_ways_to_blast_belly_fat_exercise_and_diet_tips_for_a_slimmer_stomach.php)

Stair Master April 27, 2008

I just found this bit about getting fit by doing the stairs and thought I should share it with everyone. So… Enjoy.

Step it up
Health Canada encourages Canadians to TAKE THE STAIRS. Whether you work or live in a building with stairs, ditch the elevator and/or escalator and climb your way to a fitter you. An average 160-pound person can burn about 50 calories climbing up stairs for four minutes. If that person continues to take the stairs for the same length of time five days a week, by the end of the year he or she burns about 12,700 calories (or about four pounds of fat). If there are too many stairs to climb in order to reach your destination, start by climbing up one or two flights before hopping on the elevator. Health Canada’s Stairway to Health online calculator offers a fun way to see how even little efforts pay off in a big way over time.

(I didn’t write it by the way, I just stole it from somewhere else. )

The Caboose Got Loose April 26, 2008

So.

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With a title like that how can I go wrong you ask? Well, by not adding a picture of the Bill Peet book about the caboose who got loose.

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Since I have done that, there is nothing left to fear. I suppose just the story itself.

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Four days ago Rene and I were driving home on the freeway when the car started making hideous noises for the second time in a week. I pulled over and the car shut right off. (Which is lucky timing because we were just about to cross the bridge – now that would have been bad) So we called a tow truck and sat in the car waiting for the truck to come get us.

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When it arrived Rene tried to get out and the door stuck. I began tugging the door from the outside and he was pushing from the inside and as the tow truck man came over we just broke down laughing. At which point the door banged open.  There was no more whining about our pretty blue 4Runner named Tracy, there was no bemoaning that we had just bought the car a month before (for $4200). Nope. We couldn’t stop laughing – which I think scared the tow truck driver a bit.

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When we got the door open and went over to him to find out what he needed us to do, Rene in typical Rene fashion, started making jokes and asking him if this wasn’t the prettiest car he had ever had to tow. He just looked at us and re-adjusted his baseball cap a few times.

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Well we all hopped into the tow truck together like one big mis-matched-slightly-hysterical-but-mostly-sane-family-that-took-up-by-the-road-together-in-true-clover-towing-family-fashion.
Frank- yes we got his name – was not very talkative, until the tow truck died trying to pull our Tracy car up and underneath the freeway (there was a little service road). At that point he got a bit more lively. But not by  much really. (By lively I mean he started speaking into his intercom thing, which was sadly all the excitement we would see out of him).

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So then we waited for another tow truck to come get us, meanwhile the Brits showed up to drive us so that we didn’t have to sit with the next tow truck man. (he wasn’t our frank and we were not going to go and get attached all over again for nothing). We waited for another tow truck who came and towed off the original tow truck (confusing?). Finally a third tow truck came and took our Tracy car and we went with Britton and Brittany (yes those are really their names, they just started dating and are immeasurably cute together, plus we can call them the Brits).

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The car was towed to the nearest Toyota Dealership (or probably more accurately the only one we knew of). The third tow truck was home to two silly guys one of whom had an anger fit and kept throwing the calculator about inside the truck. It was all worth it thought because even though he called me doll (which I despised vehemently) he did give us a discount which we sorely needed as we didn’t plan on our Tracy car dying on us after a month.

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So we spent the next two days setting up what we were going to do, we found out our car was basically worthless and that we would need to sell it for parts. We then decided to buy a zippy little 2008 Toyota Yaris Hatchback which was so fuel efficient it glowed. Or we glowed. Well anyhow one of us was glowing. Rene seems to think that it was the metallic paint, but I hold that it was due to the fuel efficiency.
Well we drove that little bastard around and around and around and let our hair blow in the wind like people who were free and wild. Leaving the parking lot was even more fun.

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On the way home, on that dreaded freeway again, in the HOV Lane, we were driving along talking about how it all felt like a dream, and that none of this felt real, when raccoon jumped in front of the car and we hit it head on.

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We felt a MASSIVE bump and scrape and then the car started making weird noises like we were dragging the raccoon though we were definitely not. (We saw it roll behind us.) Rene pulled over at the side of the freeway for the second time in three days, and turned off the car. I got out and was horrified at what I thought was raccoon blood, but turned out to be radiator fluid. (it was dark okay!) So for the second time in three days we found ourselves at the side of the road, with a car that would not drive, waiting for a tow truck. This time it was covered because we got extra coverage on our insurance. (Rene will want me to say here that he was the one who wanted this, not me, in fact I argued against it blah blah blah. Who hit the raccoon I ask you? ) (no okay that was a low blow, because that thing just came out of nowhere. I didn’t even see it till we hit it.)

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We are now waiting for it to be towed to an ICBC approved dealership and to be looked at. If it is written off we get a new car, but they will probably fix it, even though we could easily see that the frame was dented, which kind of scares me that the frame can be dented that easily. that’s not good. anyhow. we are now out of a car again and I am very depressed. (and by that i mean i spend long periods of time staring off into space or sighing sadly or laughing loudly and sporadically, an octave higher than normal, at inopportune  moments (ie. your boss asking you how your week was).

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So that is the story of the loose caboose. I think we have learned some valuable lessons here, which I will recap for those who are slow learners or who don’t really take the time to read my posts:

1.) never buy a tow truck

2.) always chain smoke when you are stuck at the side of the road

3.) don’t name raccoons that you have just killed with your newly purchased car.

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I think I covered everything.  Was there any valuable lessons that I missed?